Friday, September 17, 2010

Colonics are so wonderfully un-cool!

Yep, that's me on the colonic equipment!
People can’t have their cool on when they have a tube in their ass.  For me, this is a great thing.  Sometimes I am alarmed at how we walk around the world showing so little of our insides on the out.  Sure sure, we might look cute, dress great, have good style, but who are you people really? And most importantly, why do you only show the world that you have it all together?
My boys!
As many of you know, my lovely husband, Eric, is one of the most creative and talented musicians in this town.  He leads an ensemble called Vagabond Opera.  They are cool.  I mean really super uber cool;  They wear fancy fun costumes and make-up;  They have hula-hoopers, fire, and belly dancers;  Eric plays the accordion;  Someone plays the musical saw;  And on top of all that, they make really good music and they sing opera.  (If you need to be awed and delighted, you should definitely see them.) 
Vagabond Opera, looking cool!
But as I said before, they are really cool.  As if living in Portland, Oregon wasn’t hipsterville enough, this Burning man, Country Fair community is in my proverbial backyard.  I often feel surrounded by the coolest, flashiest, good-looking-est people on the planet!  

Now I’m all for sparkly spectacular goodness.  I love to be delighted visually, but I am a girl who wants it all.  I want to go deep and know the nitty gritty of this and your existence. 
This is yet another reason that being a colon hydrotherapist is the greatest job on earth.  Because when you come to see me, you are vulnerable.  It feels a little funky to have water go up your butt.  Sometimes you feel crampy.  And for the love of god there is loads and loads of poop coming out of you and someone is seeing it.  This is definitely not a place you could or should hold it all together.  (As mentioned in the last blog, having a colonic is all about letting go, physically and otherwise.)  And luckily that means you can’t have your cool on!   

We are so much more than what our culture tells us we should look, show, and act like.  And yet there are so few places that welcome us to let our guard down.  At All's Well That Ends Well, I am proud to say that we delight in the emotional and spiritual dump that you may need to have as much as the physical one.  And believe it or not, showing yourself is liberating. 
Now I’m not proposing that you immediately run home and invite the neighbors over to watch you poop, but I do propose this:  Showing your shit is a very very good thing.  Who you are in the midst of all of your delights and upsets matters.  And personally, you being real is a huge relief.  I like hearing stories about your struggles, passions, and desires.   I like that there is something real to hold onto in the world beyond the facade.  And how can we possibly know what we have to let go of when we are holding ourselves so tightly together?
The messed up part is that we have all been horribly shamed about what our precious bodies do.  Our poop stinks.  We fart.  We drool.  Our bodies secrete all sorts of fluids inconveniently.  Colon hydrotherapy is not magic.  A colonic will not take away a bad childhood, suffering, years of shame and humiliation, but it is a place that you have to be real.  And to that I say, “Hooray!”

Thursday, September 9, 2010

"The BIg C" (Constipation) and What to do About it!

Remember that first week you joined Facebook and your brain miraculously saw life through the lenses of posts?  Jill Simons is eating her breakfast.  Jill Simons is watching her son get dressed.  Jill Simons is going to the market.  Jill Simons is riding her bike.  Jill Simons is thinking about what to say on her Facebook post.  Seriously, in my head, my life was one big Jill Simons is dot dot dot!
That being said, you can only imagine my full-on delight in considering that I no longer have to conjure up the synopsis of my life into a wee teeny tiny post.  Looks like the blog IS  the answer to all the evil of the world.  
So what do I have to tell you today?  Today I want to talk to you about the complicated subject of stress.  And how does that connect at all with the beauty of colonics?  Hold onto your eyeballs because I’m gonna tell you...
People choose to have colonics for a billion different reasons (candida, low energy, cleansing, diet changes, skin issues, heavy metal chelation, etc.), but one of the most common reasons people come to All’s Well That Ends Well is because of The Big C.  I’m not talking about Cancer here, although we do have our fair share of clients with cancer. (Check out the awesome work they are doing at Project Quest where we donate 2 free colonics per week!)  I’m talking about CONSTIPATION.

Constipation is an affliction that is more common than you might think.  Millions upon millions of people in this country suffer with the inability to eliminate daily and completely making the laxative/fiber industry a booming one.  And while a lack of pooping in the short term doesn't do harm (don't worry about that weekend camping trip you took), it is those folks who have months and years of chronic constipation, who find themselves in trouble.  Chronic constipation is serious business!  It can be the instigator of all sorts of ailments such as skin problems, gas, bloating, exhaustion, and quite frankly, makes people feel downright cranky and irritable!

You might find this hard to believe, but  not everyone is filled with excitement and delight at the prospect of getting a colonic.  We have a population of clients who walk through our doors only because they are desperate and at the end of their rope.  These are often people with chronic constipation who have tried everything, and I do mean everything under the sun, to poop better on their own, but it just aint' happenin'.  They have tried diet changes, laxatives, teas, massage, GI doctors-all to no avail.   A colonic is their last resort!

One of our cozy treatment rooms!
What lucky people!  We at  All's Well That Ends Well have watched oodles and oodles of people turn a lifetime of constipation around with just a few sessions!  Now from here I could profess to you the amazing benefits of colon hydrotherapy and all it has to offer but instead I’m gonna take you on a trip through my brain.  Because after watching thousands of people have colonics for 12 years, I am struck with the question, why does this happen?  Why do our bodies defy what is supposed to be a natural rhythm?
I have lots of theories but no answer because we humans are complicated like that.  But this is what I want you to know:  We humans are out of sync.  Not on purpose, but by accident, our world has evolved faster than our bodies can keep up.  
There are of course many obvious reasons some people can’t poop every day and many things that get us out of sync:  bad food, not enough water, lack of exercise, past antibiotic use, parasitic infection, caffeine, alcohol, drugs, nerve damage, traumas (childhood and adult ones),etc.  But in my mind it all comes down to this:  stress!  
Now if you are like me then you might be saying to yourself, “I’m not stressed.  I feel fine!” but the truth of it is that we are not meant to be moving at such a fast pace, eating non-food as food, working long hours, having interrupted sleep or sleeping less than 8 hours, breathing in environmental pollutants at a horrifying rate.  Studies have shown that the mere act of watching tv can be a stress to our bodies and that is what many of us call relaxation.  Add in noise pollution, mercury fillings, and unclean water.  Put a little pressure on at work, stress about money, worry about our children or relationships, dissatisfaction with our bodies.  It is a wonder we function at all!  
I have a great example of stress for you.  Just a few months ago, I had the brilliant idea that what I really could use in my life was more centered time carved out only for myself.  I decided that I would take a yoga immersion at The Yoga Shala near my house.  The class was awesome.  The teacher great.  But the sad bitter truth of it is that I found myself completely stressed out.  The class started at 6 am and I couldn’t sleep my normal rhythm.  I woke up in the night in fear that I was sleeping through my alarm.  I couldn’t have my typical morning snuggle with my son.  I was exercising before pooping.  The opposite of what I was hoping would happen happened.  My push to relax became an added stress.

So what do you have to do to get your body in sync and free of stress?  Again the answers are complicated.  The obvious things are to do the opposites of what you did to get yourself in stress:  drink lots of clean water, eat nourishing whole foods, work a rational amount, sleep 8 hours a night, get in nature, move your body, reinoculate your gut with good bacteria, give yourself media breaks, remove the toxins from your body, supplement deficiencies through food or herbs.  For many people just doing a portion of those things brings on huge delightful change.    
But de-stressing our lives is easier in theory than in reality.  De-stressing your life means paying attention to your internal self:  something that we are not taught how to do.  In fact the world tells us not to do it. We live in a very external world where most of us would rather take a pill than sit with ourselves quietly.
There are many reasons I think colonics are the perfect springboard for this.  One is that  you are taking charge of your life by deciding to give your body support.   Two you are giving yourself an entire hour to be present with your body:  revolutionary!  Three is that when you clear out the crap, you feel more energized which in turn gives you more attention to think about what you are putting in your body.  And when you are being thoughtful about food, you get even more energy to do things like exercise.  It is the impetus for a plethora of goodness.  One good thing leads to another and another and another and another.  And here’s the beauty:  you can make huge changes in your life without stressing yourself out about it.